Ehhh This is a weird one but I need to get it out and motivate myself I guess...
So for a few years now I've been dealing with weight and eating habits. Last year was probably the year that I really started messing around on the edge of what was healthy and dangerous. I went from 160 to 130 within a year by becoming a vegitarian and I got addicted to weight loss. Ever since then, I've been really going to extremes with my eating. I've had three really bad segments of starvation and dieting but I'm going to start on my second.
My second starvation trip brought me from 125 to 115. I had to stop because others were getting suspicious and I was just plain weak. I had lasted over a month, almost 2, on about 500 calories a day + walking at least 2 miles a day. During my self recovery, I stayed around 115 for a while until I started eating junk food again and my weight went back up to 120. It took me about 3 months to gain the weight but when I did, I freaked out. Actually, it was only a couple weeks before homecoming I started to starve again. My weight gain and stress from losing my best friend did me in and I started eating less and counting calories and walking and weighing.
At first I just cut out all junk food and started eating healthy again. I went back down to 115 from just doing that but the high from weight loss was already back. Each day I would eat less and less and finally, I was down to 150 calories a day. and that was mostly from veggies.
I went down to my lowest weight, 96. at 5'5" my BMI was 16 where the border line from normal to underweight is 18.5. Long story short, I fainted.
I was in my bedroom on a friday night. for breakfast I had a 1/4 cup of cereal with no milk (25 calories) and for lunch, I decided to eat 5 baby carrots instead of my usual 10. (17.5 calories) I also jogged in place while I ate them. When I got home I walked/jogged 4 miles and I did 100 sit-ups. no supper. I decided while I was laying in bed that I didn't do enough to lose weight so I got up and started jogging in place. about 10 min into it, I started to get shaky and light headed so I laid on my floor and started doing crunches. I stood back up to jog more and I started to black out. I woke up at around 3am. My head was killing me and I guessed I hit it on my dresser. after that, I started to eat.
I've already gained back some of my weight and I knew that I was close to a relapse so this time, unlike last time, I am going to start working out. I want to try and look decent instead of just gaining the weight because I know I won't stick to weight gain. I started working out last week and I'm eating normal healthy foods again. I can already see a change and I think I'm okay with it. I can't see as many bones. I'm so scared that I won't stick with my workouts though. If I don't, I know I will relapse. I'm terrified... I can't tell anyone either. I've stopped weighing myself so i'm not sure how much I weigh right now but I know I've gained. I also don't count calories although I try to stick with low fat foods. I've also decided to become vegan. I'm happy now but I'm afraid it won't last. I read the journal I kept before I fainted and just reading what I was thinking scares me. I didn't know I was that bad off.